today I’m trying to write learning diary that I should have started a long time ago and continue doing during the last two months. I haven’t written even one sentence before realizing today that I have only two more days before the deadline. Does this ever happen to you? Or am I the only one who struggles with doing everything last minute?
It’s impossible to recall what we did during the weekend my creative writing course’s last weekend took place. “Creative processes” that’s the subject but I can’t come up even one thing I learned. Not even one idea to add to my learning diary. Neither have I any idea have I even been writing in April or May.
This has to be some kind of punishment for never doing anything on time!
Usually, faking is my specialty. I survived high school with above average scores doing only the minimal amount of homework and never studying to tests if I wasn’t interested (and I was only interested in psychology and writing…) My life has been full of events not requiring me to give my everything for them. After high school, I ended up studying business: I was one of the best but literally skipped half of the classes. Now I’m working on my own but even that doesn’t challenge me enough.
And then I started studying creative writing in open university. Still seems like a dream. For the first time, I really wanted to do everything I could to be the best I can. But getting the full scores doing nothing just didn’t encourage me enough. Maybe this should be the happiest moment of my life? The best of best Finnish creative writing teachers liked my writing enough to give me great feedback and best possible scores! Why can’t I enjoy this moment?
Easy has never been for me. Normal has never been for me. I get bored and that will end killing me. I’m not even kidding…
So, now after not trying and never doing anything I’m getting punished. And even then I know that I will survive with good enough results. It’s sad to live life always trying just enough to keep going but never enough to really get invested in anything.
But I’m not giving up. I never give up.
Sorry for this odd diary entry. But expect more of them in the future! I’m trying to be real so it means getting my messy thought on the blog…